I took my own boots off and went and sat next to her... she didn't move and so out hips were touching when I sat down... we were silent as we paddled together... after a couple of minutes I felt her move a little... but closer to me... I was starting to get a little aroused! Nothing more happened as we sat there and so eventually I got up and walked a little further down the cool stream so I could have a piss... cold water and drink does that to me... as I was finishing up I heard her walking down the stream towards me... I started to do up my fly and turned ... she was about 3 metres away looking at me.. not my face but my fly... she looked up, I smiled and said something stupid about glad she never saw that... she asked me if I liked her... going a little red I said I did, she asked me why I did not do anything while we sat on the rock together... I had no answer, she was just so hot... I was blushing now... she walked up to me and took my hands in hers... them she gently kissed me. Friends, family, everyone. You have to do what I had to do. Kill yourself… but live through it.”That was it. Dam-busters time. The tears rolled before I knew what hit me, and in less than the time it took for a room to get dark after a burnt-out light bulb, I was bawling. Full-on, soul-clearing crying. Crying so hard that your stomach hurts, your nose runs, and you cough. Van did something that at the time I thought was a real son-of-a bitch thing to do, but instead of comforting me, he backed away. He left me alone to cry, and to feel miserable. To be forlorn and to lose hope. To cry about the destruction of my life, and the loss of my family. All my comfort, all the things I knew, loved, and trusted. All of it had to go. He was right, I realized about forty-five minutes later. When I was empty, and exhausted, and bloodshot-eyed. Old Courtney had to go. To do otherwise would confuse the authorities, and likely get me charged with my own death. But it hurt, and it sucked, and there.
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